130. How to Feel Better When Everything Feels Bad

Do you ever have a day when everything suddenly feels wrong?
Your mood dips, your thoughts darken, and even the smallest things feel overwhelming. I want you to know—there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re not losing it, and you’re not going backward. You’re simply experiencing a state shift, and there are gentle ways to move through it. In today’s episode, I’m helping you understand what’s really happening inside you when you spiral into that heavy, negative place where everything feels wrong. We talk about how stress, pressure, and old patterns can shift the body, emotions, and thoughts into a “negative state,” and why nothing feels true or solvable from inside that space. Instead of trying to fix your life or make big decisions in that moment, I teach you how to shift your state gently—through presence, connection, movement, music, spirituality, and everyday grounding practices. You’ll learn the difference between preventative practices that keep you resilient and prescriptive tools you reach for when you’re already underwater. This episode will show you how to steady yourself with compassion and skill, not judgment.

If you'd like to get the show notes for this episode, head to:

 https://leighgermann.com

Transcript

We don't like feeling bad. Most of us try to avoid it. But when that dark cloud hits, it can set off a reaction that makes everything worse. In today's episode, we're talking about how to feel better fast. This is leadership parenting. How to feel better when everything feels bad.

Did you know that resilience is the key to confidence and joy? As moms, it's what we want for our kids, but it's also what we need for ourselves. My name is Leigh Germann. I'm a therapist and I'm a mom. Join me as we explore the skills you need to know to be confident and joyful. Then get ready to teach these skills to your kids. This is Leadership Parenting, where you learn how to lead your family by showing them the way.

Hi friends, and welcome back to Leadership Parenting. Before we dive in, a quick thank you to everyone who's left a rating or a review. It truly helps more moms find these conversations. If you haven't done so yet, you can pop out of this episode for just a minute to do it. Apple Podcasts will save your exact place and you can jump right back in. It's quick, it's easy, and it makes a huge difference in getting this support to the moms who need it.

What we want to focus on here is real skills training, the kind most of us never received. And today we're talking about one of the most important skills you can learn: how to respond when everything suddenly feels bad. Emotional wellness is not about staying positive all the time. Did you know that? It's about knowing what to do when you're not feeling emotionally well. And every mom I work with, myself included, has moments, sometimes whole days where we fall into discouragement or overwhelm or that heavy spiral of negative thinking. When this happens, it can feel like something is fundamentally wrong, right? Like with us, with our life, with our relationships. But here's what I really want you to hear: nothing is wrong. You're just human. And emotional wellness, it's learning to move through these moments with skill instead of fear and dread.

Most of us were raised to believe that big hard feelings are a sign that something is terribly wrong. So when they show up, we panic, we shut down, we try to outrun those feelings or shame ourselves out of them. But emotional wellness is not measured by how rarely you feel low. It's measured by how skillfully you respond when you do. Because big emotional feelings do not mean danger. It can feel like that in our bodies. Really, what it means is that our system needs attention. Think about it. If you had a low-grade headache, you wouldn't assume that you were dying. You would think, I need some water or some rest or I need to step away from my screen. Emotional dips deserve the same kind of calm response.

Ultimately, we're made of three interconnected systems: our body, our emotions, and our thoughts. And when they are in harmony, life just feels more manageable. We feel more flexible, more capable, more grounded. But when stress starts to accumulate — background stress, situational stress, relational stress — our systems begin to shift out of sync. Your body might tighten, your emotions will feel heavier, your thoughts might turn more negative. At first it can be very subtle. You might not even notice it. And then suddenly it's like we slip into a completely different emotional climate where everything just feels off. I call this slipping into a negative state.

Inside that state, everything looks dark. Your marriage looks dark, your work feels overwhelming, your parenting feels impossible, your worth feels questionable, even your spiritual life can feel disconnected. Your future often looks bleak. But this is the critical piece: it's not that those things are dark. Your emotional state is making them look dark. That distinction is what changes everything.

One of the most empowering skills you can develop is the ability to pause and notice, oh, I've shifted states. I don't know very many people who think of it that way, but I want you to be one of them. I want you to be able to stop and say, I think I've shifted states — instead of what's wrong with me, or why can't I just be grateful, or why does everything feel so impossibly heavy, or why do I suddenly think my husband's the wrong man for me when yesterday I thought he was great. Instead of all of that, I want you to say, this is just a state. This is not necessarily the truth of my life.

When you're in a negative state, things are going to look darker. And when you're in a negative state, I do not want you to make big decisions. I do not want you to evaluate your marriage, your worth, your future, your faith, or your competency as a mom or as a person. All of those assessments will be distorted through the lens of that low mood state. When you're in a negative state, your only goal is to shift the state — not fix your life, not solve a problem, just shift the state.

Here’s the image that helps me. A negative state is like being underwater. When you're underwater, you don't judge yourself for sinking. You don't analyze the chemical composition of the water. You reach for something that floats. I call this your buoyant moment. You're in deep water, over your head, and you don’t need insight or a five-step plan. You just need oxygen.

Shifting your state regulates your nervous system and your emotions so your thinking brain can come back online. When you're underwater, you're in survival mode. A survival brain scans for danger. And from that place, marriages don’t look good. Futures don’t look hopeful. Everything looks dark. When you shift your state, your nervous system settles and your thinking brain returns. That’s when you can see the whole picture.

I once worked with a gentleman who was completely overwhelmed — exhausted, stressed, sleep-deprived, and discouraged. He wanted to improve his relationship and had been doing great work, but that day nothing I said landed. Halfway through the session he stopped and said, “Nothing you’re saying makes sense.” And I said, “That’s because you’re underwater.” He wasn’t seeing his real life — he was seeing it through the membrane of a very low state. And that insight changed everything for him.

This happens to everyone. When you're in a steady state, life feels more hopeful and you have more grace for your family. But on hard days, everything irritates you and you think everything needs to change so you can feel better. What’s really happening is your state has shifted. That’s not you doing life wrong — that’s you being human.

So don’t solve problems when you’re in a low state. Shift the state first, then look at the problem. One of the gentlest ways to do that is to give your mind something that requires presence without pressure — painting, walking, music, journaling, connection. These aren’t dramatic interventions. They’re gentle pivots that help your brain return to realism and hope.

There are two kinds of emotional care: prescriptive and preventative. Prescriptive is what you reach for when you’re already underwater. Preventative is what you practice to keep your system resilient. Simple rhythms — prayer, music, movement, connection — strengthen resilience before the hard moments even show up. And the beautiful thing is that the same tools work in both moments.

Life moves in rhythms. Highs and lows are not failures — they’re part of being human. When you dip, it means you need care, not criticism. And when you rise, enjoy it, knowing you’ll have the skills when the next dip comes.

Here’s what I want you to take with you today: you can handle your big feelings. A negative state is temporary weather, not the truth of your life. When you’re underwater, you don’t need to fix everything — you just need to breathe. A small shift, a gentle pivot, something buoyant. You are capable of that.

Thanks for being here. I’ll see you next week. Take care.

If these ideas resonate and you want personalized support, I’m opening a few one-to-one coaching spots for moms ready to go deeper. Head to leighgermann.com and click on one-to-one coaching to set up a free call. You can also find me on Instagram @LeighGermann or on my website at leighgermann.com.

The Leadership Parenting Podcast is for general information only. It is not therapy and does not replace working with a qualified mental health professional. Please consult your provider for your individual needs. Thanks again, and take care.