127. How to Create Resilient Habits That Really Stick

In this episode, I’m talking about the kind of fresh start we actually need as moms—not a giant life overhaul, but a few small, intentional habits that truly support the mom we want to be. Instead of calling our patterns “bad habits” and shaming ourselves, I walk you through a gentler, brain-based way to work with your habits so they align with your body, your heart, and your relationships in this new year.

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 https://leighgermann.com

Transcript

Most of us head into a new year focused on what we want to stop doing. But real change doesn't come from shame or willpower. In today's episode, we'll talk about a gentler, smarter way to build habits that truly support the mom you want to be.

This is Leadership Parenting: How to Break Old Patterns and Create Habits That Stick.

Did you know that resilience is the key to confidence and joy? As moms, it's what we want for our kids, but it's also what we need for ourselves.

My name is Leigh Germann. I'm a therapist and I'm a mom. Join me as we explore the skills you need to know to be confident and joyful—and then get ready to teach these skills to your kids.

This is Leadership Parenting, where you learn how to lead your family by showing them the way.

You know what everyone does at the new year, right? We start thinking about making some changes, and that part is actually great. I really love that energy. There's something very hopeful about a fresh start, about turning the page and thinking, This is the year I want to do something different.

This could be when things are shifting for me.

And here's what I've noticed: that hope really gets us going. It's very motivating. But oftentimes, we jump straight into what we want to stop doing.

I want to stop scrolling so much.
Stop yelling at my kids.
I want to stop saying yes when I mean no.

We call these things our “bad habits” or the habits that aren't working for us.

But what if instead we focused on developing the opposite—the positive form of that—our better habits?

I call them “better,” not because they're morally better, but because they support us more. They help us move toward the life we actually want.

Before we can build better habits, we really need to understand what's happening with the ones we get stuck in. Because labeling them as bad is part of what keeps us stuck.

And if you're like most of the women I work with, you've tried the whole resolution thing before. You've set really big goals and made ambitious plans. And then somewhere—usually around mid-February—life gets busy, we get tired, and those intentions quietly disappear.

And here's what I want you to know right from the start: that's not because you're lazy, undisciplined, or lacking willpower.

It's because most of us were never taught how habits actually form—or how to work with our brain instead of against it when we're trying to establish new ones.

So I think there’s a real problem with what we call “bad habits.”

We love to label things as good and bad, right?

Checking your phone too much is bad.
Going to the gym is good.
Staying up late scrolling is bad.
Getting up early to journal is good.

But here's what I want to offer you instead: habits are not moral issues.

Checking your phone isn’t the same thing as robbing a bank. Eating sugar isn’t a character flaw. These aren’t questions of right or wrong—they’re questions of direction.

Every habit we have—every single one—gives us something. It meets a need, even if it's not the best way to meet that need.

I think this is a really benevolent way to look at our behavior because it gives us a chance to see underneath it and learn from it.

We tend to judge quickly. We look at where the behavior is and where we want it to be, and we assume something is wrong.

We do this with ourselves—and with our kids.

We see tantrums, whining, aggression, and we say, “That’s your choice.” And technically, yes, we always have a choice. But most of the time, our body is choosing for us.

Habits work the same way.

When something becomes habitual, it becomes automated—which means it happens without conscious thought. And many of these automations are there to protect us or help us regulate.

Scrolling on your phone directs your attention when you're bored, insecure, or unsure what to do next. It serves a purpose—even if it doesn’t serve your long-term goals.

Every habit gives you something. It meets a need.

I love thinking about behavior and nervous systems in terms of survival. It helps us align with how our brain actually works.

Instead of good and bad, think of it this way: your brain and body are always trying to restore equilibrium.

If you're upset, the fastest way to calm down might not be the way you want to calm down. Throwing a bag, snapping, yelling—it’s a discharge of big emotion. It works quickly.

But then we judge it and say, “I don’t want to be that kind of mom.”

I get it. I agree.

This can go the other way too. When we’re overwhelmed, our nervous system defaults to what’s already automated—habits that help us stabilize quickly, not necessarily wisely.

Our job is to step in with our higher brain and ask: Is this the direction I want to go?

Some habits support the life you want. Some undermine it.

Scrolling for an hour at night isn’t bad—but it may undermine rest or connection. Snapping at your kids doesn’t make you a bad mom—it means you’re running on empty.

This reframe matters because shame never creates lasting change.

Shame dysregulates us further. Curiosity opens the door to change.

Most habits exist because they provide short-term relief or pleasure. Dopamine plays a big role here.

Phones, food, avoidance—these all give quick chemical relief. This isn’t a character flaw. It’s biology.

Our nervous system looks for short-term wins when we’re dysregulated.

But long-term peace requires long-term strategies.

The goal isn’t judgment—it’s understanding. Does this habit align with where I want to go?

As we step into this new year, ask yourself:

What am I trading?
Long-term fulfillment for short-term comfort?
What habits are quietly undermining what matters most?

Just notice. Awareness is always the first step.

James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, says:

We don’t rise to the level of our goals. We fall to the level of our systems.

He also talks about identity-based habits.

Instead of “I want to exercise,” try “I’m someone who moves my body.”

Every action is a vote for the person you want to become.

You’re not trying to be perfect—you’re collecting evidence.

This is the work I do with women. Calm isn’t a personality trait—it’s a practiced state in the body.

Small actions stick. Willpower runs out.

Doable wins.

So which habit should you start with?

Use three categories:
Body. Heart. Relationships.

One small habit in each. No more than three total.

Be specific. Test it. Be flexible.

Progress beats perfection.

The tortoise and the hare both live inside you.

Big dreams matter. Small steps get you there.

This is sacred work—adding yourself back into your life.

So this week:
Draw three columns—body, heart, relationships.
Choose one habit in each.
Start today.

You don’t need a massive overhaul—just a few intentional shifts.

Here’s to a year of small, powerful change.

I’m right here with you.

Happy New Year—and I’ll see you next week.

If these ideas speak to you and you want personalized support, I’m opening a few one-to-one coaching spots. Visit legerman.com and click on one-to-one coaching to schedule a free call.

You can find me on Instagram at @LeeGurman or at legerman.com.

The Leadership Parenting Podcast is for educational purposes only and is not therapy. Please consult a qualified professional for your individual needs.

Thanks again—and take care.